Two news items this
morning had a serendipitous relationship and stimulated some
intriguing, enigmatic thoughts. One was The Guardian’s Why
is Gwyneth Paltrow selling a candle that smells like her vagina?
- see:
https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2020/jan/13/why-is-gwyneth-paltrow-selling-a-candle-that-smells-like-her-vagina-goop
The other was a discussion on ABC RN Breakfast, (14 January
2020, 7:55am), concerning sustainability. The phrase that caught my
ear was “ . . . so that people know what they are getting in the
can.” Indeed, it is an interesting statement that generates the
question: just how does one ever know just what the smell of this
candle really is like? General marketing has no problem with flogging
forest freshness, lavender and peach blossom, etc., but vagina smell is something
awkwardly different. It is not a perfume that is usually understood,
discussed, or marketed.
According to the
candle, it is a “funny, gorgeous, sexy and beautifully unexpected
scent”, a mix of “geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes
juxtaposed with damask rose and ambrette seed” - WOW!
Gosh! Really? One
can only think of that cliché Asian.
Consumer groups,
watchdogs, and bodies like the ACCC in Australia are always on the
alert for a fraudulent claim. One individual who promoted tea as a
way to lose weight ended up in jail. One assumes that if one lived on
tea, then one would lose weight: but . . . Television programmes are
made on the basis of exposing false claims and fraudulent activities:
the BBC Watchdog thrives on its weekly dramas. There never
seems to be any shortage of them. So the question becomes: is this
product being presented honestly? The candle container comes with a
clear label on it that declares in black and white, literally: THIS
SMELLS LIKE MY VAGINA. How can this ever be verified?
Well the answer is
simple, but . . One has to be careful here, because one could come
up with all sorts of different analogies for the smell, such is the
intimate, individualistic nature of this sense: consider the variable
and inventive world of wine that senses everything from chocolates,
to cinnamon, cloves and cherries, and more, even fresh-cut grass. Here, with the candle,
each interpretation of the experience has an immediate reflection on
the intimate part of this self-declared female. Think of the implications of
associations with donkey dung, for instance; perhaps snake oil. Might
one be confused with a different orifice? The candle sells for 58
pounds - apparently ‘a comparative bargain’
- so one would like to know if one was really getting what one is
paying for. Does the deal rely on the silent fantasy of hope? One
thinks here of the Japanese love of used panties, packaged,
hermetically sealed, just for their special smell; but there is a
more tangible item here, something that has been closer to the source.
There seems to be a
Trumpian quality to this promotion, a circumstance that is boldly
taking over the world as spectacular ‘spin’ and things questionably ‘fake’. This appears to be a brazen promotion that challenges one
to explore the intentional ambiguity of the hassles of proof that appear to have deliberately been befuddled with matters personal and secretive,
untouchable: a stance usually followed by a silent, knowing, mocking “Ha, ha, ha!” smirk. The brashness of the circumstance leaves one a little flabbergasted.
Dare one even explore mentally the strategies required to test this
proposition being claimed? Sniff! Can one imagine the knock on the
door by the government inspector who seeks proof? “I am here to . .
. um, sniff!” "No, let's try again, just in case." "Mmmmm; ambrette seed?"
The obvious
situation of this apparent promotional effrontery is that the
seemingly outrageous claim will never be verified, but the emotional
attachment of desire generated by the assertion remains lingering
powerfully - sniff! - as persuasively open and transparent as the
unutterable Trumpian madness, but still the candle has already been
sold out! One thinks of how narcissistic foibles, foolishness, and
whimsy are supported in spite of everyone’s awareness of the
void.
Donald Trump's giant empty head by Callum Morton
The void
So what do consumer
bodies do here? One can imagine other scenarios that would be of the
same ilk; and there will be more. Indeed, Paltrow herself has already
sold off sex dust successfully - the sex dust, like the
vagina candle, sold out: what might be next? Just go to social
media and you’ll find something else equally attractive for about
the same money, or more, suggesting even better. One suspects that
nothing will happen in the consumer fact-check world, such is
the prudery of our past which shies away from matters intimate, even
when fully exposed - especially when completely exposed. The mannered world covers up, conceals,
apologises for bad manners; quietly atones for them, and moves on to more manageable matters. It is much
easier, less challenging, to pursue the misuse of tea. Vaginas remain
mystically unspeakable; their odours, indescribable: well, until now,
apparently. Who would have thought: a mix of “geranium, citrusy
bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with damask rose and
ambrette seed.” Mmmmm.
Really? Douched with what?
Perhaps we can look
forward to a tin of beach air; or a whiff of sweaty armpit-in-a-can?
Now this might be something for the ACCC to get its teeth into; not vaginas. The
stark contrast with matters meaningful can be seen in the beautiful
act of the Indian warrior who leaves a skin full of his breath for
his wife on his departure so that she will have something of him
should he not return. Ours is a puzzling world of plunder,
self-interest, and profit. The architectural world has the same
problems with the schism between personal promotion and latent
meaning: sniff! - this is not a fantasised, exotic erotic pleasure, with any fanciful hopeful anticipation, but simply the sniff of tears.
Who gives a ‘rats’
about the smell of her vagina? Is this a simple extension of sensory
porn? Do folk perve over the images on-line while sniffing the
candle? My God!! Really!! What future is there? Imagine the variety
of vagina smells that could end up being marketed on-line, and the possible extremes
of the promotions - “Check this out!” Sniff-sniff!! Oh, that’s
…..!
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